This is the second blog post in a series from a client that is experiencing infertility and undergoing her own IVF experience. Her writing bares all, is funny, brutally honest, and hopefully helps you feel less alone on your own fertility journey. (If you missed the first part you can find it here.) Enjoy!
Dr. Internet, Cupcakes, and More Crying
Today was my first appointment after starting stims. First, I had to get my blood drawn before 8am. That was no biggie. The phlebotomist was kind to me and gave me a bandage that matched my outfit. (It’s the little things in life!) Then, I headed to the doctor’s office for my sonogram.
The doctor found 12 follicles! I was honestly excited there were any–I still get caught up in worries that this is not going to work. Seven on my right ovary, and 5 on my left. They are fairly symmetrical in size (all about 5-6mm), which the doctor said was good. She told me there may be a few others that are just not big enough to show up yet, and we will have a better idea at my next appointment how many are likely to progress. She told me someone from the clinic would call later in the afternoon after my labs come back with the results and my Gonal-F dose for the next three days.
They called me in the afternoon to say my Estradiol is at 85. I have no idea whether this is good or bad. So, what do I do? Call the doctor and ask? Psh! That would be too logical and easy! Nope, I broke out the good ole handy Dr. Internet. What I read was all over the map. So, I am sitting here going back and forth and driving myself crazy wondering if this cycle is going to fail. Luckily, my next appointment is only in 3 days, so I don’t have too long to wait before being able to ask my doctor and get some feedback.
I know that this cycle may not be successful, but I want it to work so badly and I am also trying to be positive. It is just hard to keep out those negative feelings. Things I’ve done that have helped me relax and be positive include: Sam Cooke records, a vanilla cupcake, buying a gift for someone else, and wearing my most favorite, stretchiest, softest (ugliest) underwear.
My symptoms on stims are not that bad. I have a bit of mild cramping, but my main symptom is mood swings. Ok, calling it a swing is not really accurate. What I mean is weeping at the drop of a hat. Reasons I have cried today:
1) I watched a really good audition on America’s Got Talent;
2) thinking about how we’re all going to die one day and that’s sad;
3) watching “puppy surprise” videos on YouTube;
4) “No Rain” by Blind Melon came on the radio and I became nostalgic about my childhood;
5) thinking about how much my husband loves me;
6) because I left my bottled water in the kitchen when I went to my bedroom and had to go back and get it.
Sounds fun, right?! For now, the journey continues–hoping for good news on Monday!
Until next time, don’t stop dreaming,
Misty M. Reed, Fertility Consultant & Coach
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